In getting all caught up with posting assignments I have forgot to include the lighter side and how this blog first began; Bea VS Betty, the Golden Girl with the Golden Gloves.
So now we will disect Which Grain will get the Gain with little, or no Pain
Uncle Ben VS The Cream Of Wheat Guy
Personally I think they are the same guy, but so were Tyler and Cornelius (One of Edward Norton's many support group names) and look how good some of their fights were.
I can just picture the training for their Fight Club, instead of in a back alley, they are in a field.
"I want you to hit this ear of corn as hard as you can," says Uncle Ben to his Cream of Wheat less cool self. "How much does one know about themself if they have never shucked something up."
I think Uncle Ben would be the Durden of the two for sure. He definitely oozes more cool than the Cream of Wheat guy and Much like Norton's character, do we really know the Cream of Wheat guy's "real" name. No! With that being said Norton was Durden all along and he shot himself in the face and that's badass Cream of Wheat Guy may just be the Chuck Norris of porridge.
Uncle Ben probably picks up single chicks at weddings after throwing his rice at the Bride to be; after using pick up lines like Hey Baby, I'd like to stick closer to you than the white on my rice."
The Cream of Wheat guy and his Uncle Ben alter ego, the only thing linking them is their stange love for grain and bow ties.
Who would win in a rice flinging, pot wielding, all grain no pain fistdacuffs?
Now before you submit your answer, remember Cream Of Wheat is like the original Wheaties and Bruce Lee lived on rice and he was the bad ass of all bad asses, will that diet do the same for Ben; you decide.
The second rule of Fight Blog is that you must comment on Fight Blog
Don't break the rules, take a moment have some fun, give your answer and why.
"I am Ben's fluffy addiction."
"You are not your breakfast cereal."
While I respect their fight, I don't think that I, in good conscience, can vote for either one of these men--not with Aunt Jemima out there, feeling scorned and forgotten after long hours in the kitchen. She is a woman who knows how to wield a wooden spoon--do you really believe that Uncle Ben and Cream of Wheat man stand a chance? And more, do you really think they would ever hit her back? These are gentlemen--they'll keep their hands to themselves, which is why the spunky queen of syrup will take them both down at the same time. She'll toss flour into their eyes, blinding them both, before beating them senseless with a good blackened skillet. Next she'll tie them up, covering them in her delicious, homemade buttered flavoured syrup (but not the light one--she wants all the sugar in there), and then she'll pour an ant farm right over their heads.
ReplyDeleteYes, these men will get eaten alive. It might sound gruesome, but because they are both unconscious, they won't feel a thing.
Next time any relatives of Uncle Ben and Chef Cream of Wheat ever enjoy any breakfast delicacy (that isn't, of course, cream of wheat), they'll make sure to thank the lady in the kitchen. Too many overlooked breakies, and she'll wreck terror on all their backsides. Nothing says havoc like ignorant pancake eaters.
Just don't cross her with Mrs. Butterworth, although that is a fight I'd like to see...
True that Rachel, Aunt Jemima is a force not to be reckoned with. Wearing her gang color bandana and strapped with a wooden spoon and spatula, I remember feeling first and second hand the pain that those utensils can bring.
ReplyDeleteBut I must use this opportunity to bring up another cardinal Fight Blog rule:
One fight at a time.
So it is still Ben & Chef in the ring or field or where ever. Jemima isn't in this mix but I'm sure she is mixing it up with something as we speak.
Coming soon....Jemima VS Butterworth
One is known for her batter while the other likes to "Stick it to the Man, Woman and the Pan" cake that is.
Then I've got to go with Cream of Wheat guy. While I'm sooo not a fan of cream of wheat, he just looks far more young and strapping. Yes, Uncle Ben always appears to have that mischievous grin that looks like he's hiding something (perhaps a pair of nun-chucks? There's no reason for that, I just like nun-chucks. They're cool. And Panthro used them in Thundercats.), but take a good hard look at Mr. Cream of Wheat. Look at that bright white smile, those cold, calculating eyes. He's so tough he didn't even get a name: there simply wasn't one badass enough to describe him (mainly because "Chuck Norris" was already taken)!
ReplyDeleteIn a no-holds-barred kitchen fight that pours out into the fields? Sorry, Benny, but you're going down!
(Side note: another fight I wonder about is Panthro vs. Tygra: who was Lion-O's better sidekick? Perhaps you'll venture into the realm of Thundercats in the near future?)
Indeed I may have to concur with your cold calculating Cream of Wheat guy assesment while Chuck Norris opens a can of whoop ass, Cream of Wheat guy serves up a steaming bowl of it, forget about the tricks up his sleeve, imagine what's under that hat.
ReplyDelete(Side note: Hell yes, we're gonna get into Thundercats I loved the Thundercats, Lion-0 was bad ass, almost was going to answer that sidekick question now, but agai one fight at a time. :) It will be the next VS fight we have on this blog for sure.
I'm throwing my weight behind the Cream of Wheat guy. If my eyes serve me correctly, he's got history...since 1863. I can just imagine the kitchen brawls he's witnessed during that time. Who's gonna get to scrape the pot, he's seen it all, probably thousands of times. No, and it's never the same, brawls over vittles always present themselves with a nuance of difference, and you can be sure the Cream of Wheat guy never missed any of those details. He's got the weight of repetition on his side, and sure to use any of it that's appropriate in the scrap.
ReplyDelete